Advancing Years

Posted: January 11, 2016 in Life
Tags: , , ,

Today the world says I’m 30.

To me this is a rather surreal experience because for at least the past five years I’ve decided that I don’t actually feel any older. People say, “age is just a number”, but I swear to God I’ve been mentally living that little nugget for awhile now. In fact, I broke down crying a month ago when I felt older than my years. My lower back was aching (as it tends to do as I stand all day at work), the pain had leaked into my hips so nothing was comfortable, and one of my fingers was experiencing what I could only imagine was arthritis (stiff joints while interpreting sign language is no bueno). I arrived home and cried out that I was too young to feel so old!

When I turned 21 I was excited that the last barrier (excepting car rental) had been breached. The next year I rejoiced as all of my friends were finally old enough to go to the bar as well. After that…the numbers didn’t mean so much. In fact, they meant so little I caught myself on several occasions lying about my age, not because I felt embarrassed but because I actually forgot.

My most memorable moment of forgotten age was talking with a classmate at a conference. She was worried because she would be turning 25, and didn’t know how she felt about that. I boldly told her, “I love being 25! It’s been the best age yet. You’re going to love it, too.” She smiled, felt better, and a moment later I wanted to scream at myself because at that moment in time I was 23. Soon to be 24…but in reality I had not yet reached the very age I had just professed I had experienced. I didn’t tell her that, though. In my defense, 25 ended up being a pretty kick ass year, and I do not regret telling her that 25 is awesome… my mind was clearly a time traveler.

A few years ago I had to actually count birthdays and do math because I somehow believed myself to be a year younger than I was. I think it was my 28th… but as I was confused, what’s the point in trying to remember?

In any case, I just don’t feel like 30-such a large number- belongs to me. I may look a bit older around the eyes, I’m sure my hair has started plotting a sneak attack against its given color, and I now roll my eyes at the antics of “college kids”, but I feel like 30 is a number bestowed to a person older than myself.

My sister, four years my younger, is the opposite. She feels her age. When she wakes up on her birthday she nods and agrees that the new number suits her.

Maybe young at heart really is a thing. For the good of the human race I’m going to continue believing it to be so, see if it makes a difference as the years advance, and will report back my findings in the name of science.

It may be awhile before the results come in. You don’t mind, do you?


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